we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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