That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
