Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
