I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
