The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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