I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
