That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
