i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
