so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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