I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
