I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
