roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
