16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
