everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
