and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
