Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
