Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
