I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
