My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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