We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
