I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
