You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
