I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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