Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
