I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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