I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
