Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
