I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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