That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
