Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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