Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
