So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
