Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
