I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Never underestimate the power of titties
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
