i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
