My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
