I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
