p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
