It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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