She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
