I feel great
I just peed on a car
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
