HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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