between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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