he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
