Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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