Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
