I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
