Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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