grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
