I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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