On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
